Oils & Your Love Language
When I spend time with my friends, inevitably we talk about relationships. We’ll be sitting in a coffee shop or talking on the phone, and of course I’ll ask how their husband/wife/sister is doing.
We discuss our marriages, our friendships and our families. And it occurred to me that so many of the things we say are super common…
“I feel like we constantly misunderstand each other.”
“We’ve been growing apart. I miss feeling close to him!”
“She doesn’t seem to want to spend time with me. I wish we spent more time together!”
“I always initiate sex. Why doesn’t he initiate it instead?!”
And no matter what, my question is always the same…
If you feel disconnected, unloved or like the other person is not responding to your efforts, I have to ask you…do you know your partner’s love language? Do you know your own?
I will explain the 5 Love Languages to you, give you some practical examples, then highlight an essential oil that could help you receive more love/express love more effectively for your partner.
What is a love language?
If you’re new to Love Languages, get ready to have some BIG revelations.
Simply put, the 5 Love Languages are the 5 ways you can give or receive love. They are:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Gifts
Acts of Service
You may think one jumps out at you, but I really encourage you to take the quiz to be sure.
From the 5 Love Languages website:
“Dr. Gary Chapman presents a simple truth: relationships grow better when we understand each other. Everyone gives and receives love differently, but with a little insight into these differences, we can be confidently equipped to communicate love well. This is true for all forms of relationship – for married or dating couples, for children and teenagers, for friends and coworkers.”
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are the kind things we say to ourself and others. If you are a “Words of Affirmation” Love Language, you radiate joy when someone compliments you.
You receive love when someone tells you how intelligent, capable, strong, funny, strategic, beautiful, thoughtful and interesting you are! When you think of how your significant other loves you, you think of something they said to you or about you. The words of another are so important to you! This applies in friendships and family relationships as well. You feel loved when your mom or dad tells you they love you and believe in you. You are your best self when your friend tells you how capable and strong you are!
If your significant other’s love Language is Words of Affirmation, leave them a post-it on their mirror that says “I love you.” Leave them a thoughtful note in the car. When they do something kind, use your words and tell them how much you appreciate it. And when they are going through something hard - maybe they are facing some big challenge - this is a big moment in your relationship. You can’t drop the ball during times of challenge. This is when you have to give that person a verbal pep talk! Remember that Words of Affirmation people are capable of HUGE great things when they feel loved and supported, and they feel supported when you tell them that you trust their abilities. It’s your job as their partner to shower them with kind words.
This Love Language cal be so hard for people who just don’t know how to “speak” it yet! If this is you and you’re trying to show your partner love through Words of Affirmation, I encourage you to diffuse a couple of my favorite oils to help you develop your communication skills…
Did you know that Lavender essential oil is known as “The oil of communication?”
Did you know that Spearmint is known as “The oil of confident speech?”
Add 2 drops of Spearmint and 6 drops of Levander to your essential oil diffuser. Sit down and write out the things you love about your partner. Do you appreciate the way they parent the children, the way they always remember your mother’s birthday? Do you love the way they look, the funny jokes they make at parties, the way they started business? Do you love the type of wife, husband, mom, friend, sister they are? Write it all down.
Then, start small and begin to shower them with Words of Affirmation. It can be small, like a text saying, “I’m still thinking about that amazing meal last night. I can’t believe how great a cook you are!”
When you begin inserting little compliments into your conversation, you will likely have immediate, positive effects. It’s wonderful who we become when we feel truly loved…that is the power of love in our lives!
Quality Time
Quality Time is exactly what it sounds like: These people love when you spend real, high-quality, uninterrupted time with them.
Quality Time people don’t need over-the-top lavish things to feel loved…they want to feel your attention and companionship! If this is you, you thrive when you and your partner, friends or family make fun plans and do things together. You know how warm and fizzy you feel when you get to spend a day with the people you care about, just being yourself.
If your love language is quality time, you probably feel unloved or unappreciated when your partner texts at the table. If your partner is a workaholic or in a stressful time in their career, you might develop feelings of frustration. So if your partner’s/friend’s love language is Quality Time, be aware that time is everything to this person! Even when life gets busy or the kids are little, they accept love through your undivided attention…so schedule it in and commit to time together.
One of the biggest issues when it comes to partnership with someone who has Quality Time as their primary love language is a consistent lack of undivided attention. This is especially true in this age of constant stimulation and information via cell phones, tablets, smart watches, and more. It’s HARD to pay attention to just one person or thing!
Fortunately, I have some oil suggestions for you.
I love using Rosemary and Lemon while I’m working to improve my mental focus and clarity. And I highly encourage you to use these to help you focus also on your significant other!
Pour a drop of Rosemary and a drop of Lemon into your palm and rub your hands together. Cup them over your nose and mouth and gently inhale for at least 30 seconds. You can also use an essential oil diffuser for attention and clarity! Pour 4 drops each of Lemon and Rosemary into your diffuser and turn it on.
Physical Touch
Physical Touch means intimacy, and intimacy is not just sex!
People whose love language is Physical Touch need different types of touch - hand-holding, hugs, kisses, and an arm around their shoulder when they’re struggling. If this is you, you are probably the one to rush up to your family and hug them. You probably reach for your partner’s hand to hold it. And you probably initiate sex more often that your partner does!
If Physical Touch is your love language, communicate this to your partner. Even if Physical Touch is not their love language, they can learn to begin taking steps to love you the way you want to be loved - by starting small with cuddling, hand-holding and other supportive and intimate touch. As someone who accepts love through touch, you love a passionate partner.
There are a few oils that can be helpful with this love language and in the bedroom. Cinnamon, Jasmine, Neroli, and Rose are all oils that promote intimacy and closeness.
Diffuse Cinnamon in your bedroom when you are in the mood and want to inspire intimacy with your partner! The sweet, spicy aroma of Cinnamon is invigorating and intense.
Neroli is an oil that helps you feel safe and confident in your body. Roll Neroli oil into your wrists, heart and neck as a personal aroma that is deeply inspiring for communicating your needs.
Jasmine is sweet and comforting. I suggest Jasmine for anyone who has been through sexual trauma, or who has anxiety around initiating sexual contact.
Rose is the Queen. Rose is a natural aphrodisiac, and can propel people to courageously love their partners. It’s also important to note that both males and females can be positively affected by powerful Rose essential oil.
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Gifts
If your love language is Gifts, it’s not because you are materialistic. It’s because you love thoughtful gestures!
Gifts can be big things of course, like jewelry and cars. But all tangible demonstrations of someone’s love are meaningful to you - an heirloom/antique that reminds you of someone you love, fresh flowers, tickets to a class or event, their favorite treats, a subscription box to local produce, books, or plants.
The key with loving this type of person is THOUGHT!
Hot tip: keep a notebook with you. Whenever they mention something that is important to them even in an offhand way, make a note. When it is time for Christmas, their Birthday (or any day, for that matter), take the opportunity to give them something they once mentioned and remind them that you are always listening to them!
Sometimes coming up with a gift can require creativity.
If you need to put your brain to work on a creative project, use an oil like Citrus Bliss! Citrus Bliss is bright, uplifting and encouraging. Put 8 drops of Citrus Bliss blend into your diffuser while you are looking for a great gift.
Acts of Service
If your love language is Acts of Service, you appreciate when your partner goes out of their way to do nice things for you.
It is a common revelation I hear of: Your dad reminds you to check the air pressure in your tires, or he does your taxes for you, or he always pays the bills. He doesn’t say “I love you” all the time, perhaps, but you know he does - because you realize that he expresses love through caring Acts of Service.
Or, I hear of tough-love moms who are Acts of Service people - they make you nutritious meals, they make sure you do your schoolwork so you can get into a good school, or they prevent you from dating someone they see as a threat. This mom might be loving you through acts of service, and it may be years later when you realize it.
Acts of Service people are often paired with Words of Affirmation people - opposites who need to work to love one another effectively. But with commitment to learning the other’s language, these connections can be so wonderful.
If you are someone who thrives when their partner commits Acts of Service, you love when the bills are paid and the car is maintained. You love when the housework is done and you don’t have to ask for things! Always, always make sure to communicate your love language to your partner. This love language can take work to learn but once someone understands that this is how you feel loved, everything changes!
If you struggle to motivate yourself to learn Acts of Service, there’s an oil for that! It’s called Motivate blend and it’s really yummy. Diffuse 6-8 drops of Motivate…or wear it as a fragrance! Motivate is created with citrus and mint oils, which are very energizing and motivating!
I hope this helps you get closer to the people you love.
I hope this helps you ask for the love you want, and express the love your relationships deserve.
We hope you decide to grab a couple of these oils and implement them into your lifestyle. The buttons above will help you check out as a guest, but it is substantially cheaper to get oils at wholesale. Either way, we hope you begin using these beautiful oils!